


I want all the love you got (I hope that your catching on)

by himbo-buckley (Kriz)



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: M/M, OR IS IT, also getting married because of Christopher, crack turned actual fic, first come marriage than comes dating, marriage treated as a plot divice, this started out as something i wrote at midnight and has turned into an actual fic, wait no that's the wrong order, would actually work in canon just saying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:22:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24024274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kriz/pseuds/himbo-buckley
Summary: „What if I never find love?“ Buck muses.„Who’s gonna take care of Christopher when I’m gone?“ Eddie agonises.„We should get married,“ They both say, in one of those moments of perfect unison, suddenly smiling (again).„Jesus,“ Says Hen, getting right back up from the chair she just dropped into.„Let’s get shots!“ They counter, (another) one of those moments of perfect unison.ordrunk!Buck and drunk!Eddie have an idea and it changes nothing and it changes everything
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 59
Kudos: 382





	I want all the love you got (I hope that your catching on)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello party people,
> 
> So a while ago I couldn't sleep and I started writing something and then like two weeks later I remembered and actually turned it into something I liked
> 
> Title is from "Know Me" by Anthony de la Torre and while it doesn't work 100%, I like the song for Buddie and I spent two hours today finding the perfect title, so I decided to just keep it

Everyone who knows them likes to say they are two feathers of the same bird.

Sure, Buck is expressive where Eddie is repressed.

Buck is impulsive where Eddie is more sensible.

Buck retreats where Eddie lashes out.

But generally speaking, they are a lot alike.

Both are heroic. Are selfless. Badass. _Never_ do anything in half-measures. Always give everything.

It’s why they get along so well, how they managed to go from „You’re my problem.“ to „You can have my back any day.“ in the span of one 24h shift.

It’s why they’re EddieandBuck.

———————

This is how it begins.

———————

They’re both drunk.

Usually it’s more either or and mostly Buck, but today Eddie is right there with him.

Because Christopher is at a sleepover and the past few weeks had been a nightmare. The hostage situation. Eddie nearly dying. Red actually dying.

So they get drunk together. Shit-faced really.

———————

„I’ll probably die alone,“ Buck says, head tilted forward, hovering over the table.

„I nearly died alone,“ Eddie says, hands tapping along to whatever song he is hearing.

„I don’t wanna die alone,“ Buck whines, looking over at Eddie.

„I don’t want to die,“ Eddie says, looking right back.

„What if I never find love?“ Buck muses.

„Who’s gonna take care of Christopher when I’m gone?“ Eddie agonises.

„We should get married,“ They both say, in one of those moments of perfect unison, suddenly smiling (again).

„Jesus,“ Says Hen, getting right back up from the chair she just dropped into.

„Let’s get shots!“ They counter, (another) one of those moments of perfect unison.

———————

They talk about it, in the morning, in the loft, with too much sunlight streaming in through those damn big windows Ali had liked so much („God, why do live here again?“ Eddie groans, burying his head in his pillow. „I can’t find the remote for the blinds.“ Buck agrees, groping around blindly.)

They sleep until ten, because they hadn’t gotten into bed until three, having slept in the same bed, because sometimes you get lonely and it’s nice to have someone breathing next to you, even your straight best friend. They do it more often than Karen, who dropped them off and made sure they got into the apartment, and Hen, who hollered at them from the car, not nearly as shit-faced but still very drunk, can ever know. But they never talk about it, because it doesn’t mean anything.

Didn’t mean anything after Shannon died, when Eddie took Christopher to his sister’s one weekend and got home and drank himself stupid and Buck slept next to him, half worried he’d choke on his own vomit.

Didn’t mean anything after Ali left and Eddie sometimes let Buck crawl right into bed when they got home after PT and then crawled in right after him and just held him, as he cried himself dry.

Didn’t mean anything after the Tsunami when Buck couldn’t bear to be away from Christopher for a while and Eddie just pulled them both under the covers with him.

Didn’t mean anything after Buck found out about the fighting and after Hen’s accident and Christmas and the callcenter and the well and Red and Athena. (And the train crash and Abby and all the Abby’s and dreams of desert skies in between.)

Just … doesn’t mean anything, is what he’s saying. Is just about comfort, is what he means.

But they talk about the other thing, the marriage thing, over coffee and plain toast, both hungover because they both drank too much, the blinds drawn to keep the sunlight out and they both laugh.

———————

„We got pretty drunk last night, huh?“ Buck recalls.

„Shit-faced,“ Eddie agrees.

„Stupid idea,“ Buck groans, dropping his head on the table.

„Yeah,“ Eddie says, patting his head gracelessly.

„Let’s get married,“ Buck mocks, looking at Eddie through his lashes.

„Hrmpf.“ Eddie scoffs, rolling his eyes at Buck fondly.

———————

„Hey, Eddie,“ Buck eyes swivelling between Eddie doing the dishes („You cooked Buck,“ Eddie said. - „Yeah, because you might kill us., Buck laughed.) and Christopher building … something with legos in the living room, „who _would_ take care of Christopher if anything happens to you?“  
Eddie falters at the dishes. Audibly drops a plate back into the sink. Looks down at his now soaked through shirt. Smiles at Christopher, who lifts his head at the noice. Finally stops avoiding Buck and returns his look.

„My parents, probably.“ Eddie says.

„Do you want them to?“ Buck asks, already guessing the answer.

„Do you want me to?“ Buck asks, when the silence drags on.

———————

„Let’s just get married,“ Eddie groans, trying and failing to understand the legal document he’s holding.

„Okay,“ Buck agrees, still trying to figure out what a legal guardian actually does and doesn’t entail.

„I’m serious,“ Eddie says (only half serious).

„So am I,“ Buck says (dead serious).

„It would be faster,“ Eddie says (more serious this time).

„And cheaper,“ Buck says (still no doubt).

„You could adopt Christopher easier,“ Eddie says (now just as dead serious).

„It wouldn’t have to mean anything beyond that,“ Buck says (full of conviction).

———————

„But… but sex!“ Maddie says in her fourth (or fifth) try to get a somewhat reasonable explanation out of her brother.

Which is not a sentence Buck thought he’d ever hear his sister say to his face. _Implied_ , sure. But not said so plainly. And with that look on her as well, like his lack of a sex life actually pains her. Which you know, weird. Which is why Evan just looks at her weirdly.

„What about sex?“

„You’re not having any and you cant have any if you’re - if you’re, i mean you are not, are you?“ Maddie asks instead and she is not sure Buck understands except he rolls his eyes then and maybe he does.

And yeah, Maddie knew that because as horrible as it may sound she knows what her brother is like when he had sex. She doesn’t want to but she does know that. (And do not make her tell the story of how she knows that. How she’s able to recognise. Do not make her relive past traumas.)

„Well, I’m not having sex _right now_ ,“ Evan sounds a little cross.

„Do you want to?“ she asks instead changing gear and god, does Buck not want to talk about _this_. He loves his sister, he does and there is virtually nothing he wouldn’t do for her or with her or talk to her about … except, you know, talk to her about the fact that he hasn’t had sex since Ali left and he hadn’t wanted to have sex since before Ali left which may be a part of why Ali left in the first place. (Also having sex. Buck would not have sex with his sister. He doesn’t think he needs to make that clear.) Because, you know, Maddie would pull out her medical knowledge and diagnose him and maybe get Chim and Frank and possibly Cap or Hen on this as well and who wants that? (Buck doesn’t.)

Plus, you know, the whole sister thing, right? There’s probably a law somewhere about discussing your lack of sexual interest with a sibling.  
He briefly wonders what Eddie talks about with his sisters. He knows Adriana calls him like once a week. _He_ probably doesn’t have to explain how disinterested he is in sleeping with anyone!

( _Is_ Eddie disinterested in sleeping with anyone?)

(Is _that_ something they have to discuss now?)

(Can Evan just turn back time and never think about _this_ again?)

"Look, Christopher thinks of me as his other dad and i think of him as my son and it’s easier than appointing me as his legal guardian because you can still fight that. So it’s to make sure that he goes to me if anything happens to Eddie.“ Buck explains again, more slowly this time like it explains anything - which it doesn’t, for the record, at least not to Maddie.

She looks over to Howie who’s engrossed in the TV and seems to only seventy five percent faking that, so, on the off chance, that he is in fact _not faking_ and actually _not listening_ to this hot mess of a conversation, Maddie does not want to disturb him and drag him into this mess of a conversation.

„So…“ she drawls instead

„So,“ Buck continues, „Eddie nearly died and we got drunk and we talked and it seemed like a good idea and we got sober and it still seems like a good idea so Eddie and i are getting married next month! Now, will you be my best man slash maid of honour or should I ask Hen, cause Eddie called dips on Chimney?“

———————

And this is how it continues.

———————

After Maddie says „Yes.“ with just a bit more convincing needed and only a few more unnecessary questions, Buck gives Eddie the go ahead and Eddie calls Cap to make him see them before shift the next morning (not really telling him why because he will tell Athena and Athena might tell Hen and they really just wanna explain the Situation to Cap before having to deal with all of Firehouse 118).

Because that will be the worst of it. Buck knows „Chips“ from Ladder Truck #3 _will_ say something snide and slightly homophobic, but still funny and mild enough Bobby won’t be able to do anything about it and Hen _will_ punch him and get written up (again).

———————

Bobby, surprisingly, doesn’t really care.

"Fill out these forms for me,“ he says.

"Just stay professional at work, all right?“ He adds.

"It’s not like that,“ Buck reminds him.

"Sure, it’s not,“ Bobby placates him.

(Eddie is deeply engrossed in the documents before him already.)

———————

Chimney says yes, almost as soon as Eddie asks him.

Hen only laughs at them for five minutes.

No one besides else makes fun of them once Buck explains: „Christopher,“ and Eddie adds „The well.“.

It’s deceptively nice.

———————

„Will you tell Mom and Dad?“ Maddie asks two weeks later, when they sit in the sun drinking coffee, waiting to pick up Buck’s suit from the tailor.

„It’s not real, remember?“ Buck reminds her.

Then: „Should I?“

Then: „They won’t understand.“

Then: „I haven’t talked to them in a while.“

Then: „They probably won’t even care.“

Then: „I don’t know what to say to them anymore.“

"Okay,“ Maddie says.

———————

The suit fits like a glove and Maddie cries a little and the tailor slips his number in Buck’s pants with a wink.

———————

"We can never tell Abuela!“ Buck panic a week before.

"We have to,“ Eddie counters.

"Chris won’t tell,“ Buck argues.

"It’ll slip out,“ Eddie disagrees.

"She’ll understand,“ he assures.

"We’ll tell Pepa first,“ he reasons.

———————

It’s not at all awkward, is what it is.

Not during the ceremony, which is just Buck and Eddie and Chimney and Maddie, when Buck kisses Eddie on the cheek and Eddie gives him a dry kiss on the mouth in return. („Cause that’s how it works, Buck,“ Eddie says, still an alter boy at heart.)

Not when Buck gives up the apartment and fully moves into Eddie’s guestroom. („Technically it’s your house now, too,“ Eddie says.

"Shit, should we have gotten a pre-nup?“ Buck panics.

„Already planning for the divorce?“ Eddie teases.

„Wanna cover my car payments in exchange?“ Eddie teases on.

"We’ll figure it out,“ Eddie calms him.)

Not when Buck’s gear now reads ‚Buckley-Diaz‘ („Because Diaz is Christopher’s name,“ he simply explains.).

Not when Buck now goes along to family dinner at Abuela’s when they have a Sunday off.

(„She keeps throwing me the stink eye, Eddie,“ Buck whines.

"No, she isn’t,“ Eddie rolls his eyes.

"She doesn’t like me,“ Buck fears.

"She loves you,“ Eddie sighs.

"Is she homophobic?“ Buck thinks out loud.

"We’re not actually together, Evan,“ Eddie reminds him.

"She probably wanted you to give her more grandchildren,“ Buck muses.

"She’s just pissed she wasn’t invited to the ceremony,“ Eddie declares.

"Language,“ Pepa scolds from the kitchen.)

Not when Buck now spends most nights in Eddie’s bed.

———————

They have their moments, of course.

Like when around week two, they have a really bad shift and Buck feels drained and tired and he really just wants to be alone for a night and not talk.

Or when during week three Eddie keeps having nightmares and keeps getting up in the middle of the night to sleep on the couch because Buck wants to talk about it and he doesn’t and is being generally so snappy, Buck actually sleeps in the guestroom for a few days or he might strangle that stubborn son of a bitch.

Or in week four when a woman hands Buck her number and he looks over at Eddie, who is sadly busy and can’t tell him what their protocol for something like this is.

Or every time Maddie refers to Eddie as his boy crush.

Or every time Carla asks if that means Eddie _doesn’t_ want to go out with the english teacher.

Or when Christopher asks if Bucky really won’t leave them again, at the beginning of month two.

(„I really won’t,“ Buck says.

"That’s what mom said, too,“ Christopher says.

"That was different,“ Eddie says.

"Because you and Bucky aren’t like that, Daddy?“ Christopher says.

"We’re not,“ Eddie says.)

Or that time Buck picks Christopher up from a sleepover and his son says: „Bucky, tell Trevor you and Dad aren’t like that. Like his fathers.“ and Buck has to laugh awkwardly and then explain in front of the six other assorted parents in the room, including, but not limited to, one of Trevor’s dads, why Eddie and him aren’t like _that_ , but also why the way Christopher had phrased the question was a little disrespectful.

(„I don’t get it,“ Eddie says after dinner nursing a beer.

"I know you wouldn’t,“ Buck sighs.

"Then explain it, smartass,“ Eddie huffs.

"It’s called connotation,“ Buck explains.

"Never heard,“ Eddie says.

"Didn’t you try to date an english teacher not too long ago,“ Buck wants to know.)

———————

In fact, it’s so good, it makes Buck anxious because he keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He’s kind of glad when they finally hit a snag, even if said snag is him.

———————

They have a late shift that day, so after dropping off Christopher at school, Eddie goes for a run, letting Buck stay in bed and sleep in because Buck had been on drop off duty during their last late shift.

So Buck is still asleep when Eddie comes back and barely awake when he shuffles to the bathroom, only to find it already occupied by Eddie, wearing only a towel around his waist, water still clinging to his body as he leans forward over the sink, concentrating on dragging the razor along his chin.

Buck freezes.

Eddie’s hair is getting longer again, he notices. Knows it’s because Christopher commented on how he misses them having the same hair. Feels soft because he knows that.

Watches as some water drips down from the hair and blazes a trail down his back, over old scares and new bruises.

And he wants.

For the first time in over a year he suddenly, inexplicably, desperately wants.

So when Eddie shifts a bit and his eyes find Buck in the mirror and he smiles at him, at his best friend, at his co-parent and husband, Buck does the only logical thing:

He flees.

———————

Buck uses the other bathroom, the one not adjoined to the master bedroom, that is officially not his but Eddie’s but still holds all of his toiletries because it’s next to where he sleeps most of the time.

Buck chugs a glass of water and his coffee in the kitchen.

Buck fixes his bag.

Buck gets dressed and carefully doesn’t look at Eddie when he tells him he’ll go to work early because he feels like working out there.

(He doesn’t check if Eddie is dressed by now. He’s not sure what he hopes for. He’s not sure if he wants to know what he hopes for.)

———————

During his workout he thinks.

And hates. Himself mostly.

Because what they have is good and happy and easy, so of course Buck has to go and fuck it up.

———————

Buck doesn’t think he’s in love with Eddie.

Isn’t even really sure if he’s attracted to Eddie.

Has never thought about Eddie like that before after all.

Decides it’s probably just his libido coming back and the proximity and the fact that Eddie is very attractive and also just fucking everywhere these days making Buck feel things.

Decides to just get over himself.

Decides he doesn’t need to tell Eddie.

———————

He avoids Eddie, when he comes to the station, just to be safe, to have some time to get used to these new thoughts in his mind.

Doesn’t search him out at all when they sit down between calls.

Sits a few chairs away from him during dinner.

Actually leaves the room once when Eddie appears in it.

———————

Eddie doesn’t seem to mind, though.

He only looks at him a little weirdly when Buck flees from him and afterwards gives him space.

Doesn’t try to talk to him.

Doesn’t ask him to explain himself.

Buck only catches him looking at him once, in the corner of his eyes, worry crinkling his face. It makes Buck’s stomach drop. He doesn’t want to concern Eddie. He’s already carrying the weight of the world half the time.

He refuses to look at Eddie again to safe his heart.

———————

Honestly Buck should have known Eddie was just waiting for his opening.

———————

It’s actually so easy in the end.

They come back from a call around eleven and Buck goes straight to the bathroom to shower and change, because someone puked all over him.

And when he comes back out Eddie is waiting for him in the locker room, leaning against the wall, looking stoic and resigned. Letting him know his time was up without saying a word.

And Buck looks at Eddie and realises.

Realises this is Eddie, his best friend, the guy who’s been there for him through most of it, the only person he told about being bisexual since the Seals who he hadn’t intended to pick up.

(They’d known each other for four months then and they were at a bar and Buck was tipsy and suddenly it seemed so important for Eddie to know this about Buck.

And Eddie had just looked at him, raised his eyebrows a little, thrown by the no-sequitur, shrugged and said: „Okay.“

And half a beer later he’s told Buck about the time when he was 20 and hooked up with a guy he’d met at work.

"Wasn’t my thing, though,“ Eddie explains.

"He probably didn’t know what he was doing,“ Buck interjects.

"Maybe,“ Eddie agrees.

"Maybe I’ll give it a try again some day,“ Eddie adds, a little tipsy.

"You call me when you feel that urge,“ Buck laughs, a bit tipsier.)

( _„Well, I’d still take you.“_

_"You think so?“_

_"I know“_ )

(So maybe he had thought about Eddie _like that_ once or twice before.)

He looks Eddie in the eyes and he forces his voice to stay steady and he says „We need to talk.“

"Okay,“ Eddie says, crossing the room to sit down next to Buck.

"I’m attracted to you,“ Buck admits to his shoes.

"Thank god,“ Eddie blurts out.

Buck looks up so fast, he nearly gives himself whipsplash.

"Thank god?“ He laughs, surprise evident. He’s unsure what this means.

"I thought you wanted a divorce,“ Eddie admits.

"Oh,“ Buck says as Eddie looks away, lost in thought for a moment.

When their eyes meet again, Eddie’s are warm and soft and Buck lets himself hope they’ll make it through this. They made it through everything else after all.

„We’ll figure it out, Evan,“ Eddie tells him, the same sentiment visible in his eyes. Another perfect moment.

———————

They kiss for the second time nine days later, in the locker room.

It’s just as dry and chaste as the first one, but this time Buck’s heart stops beating because of it and Eddie has to drive because he still can’t breath.

———————

They don’t talk about this either.

———————

"We should stop,“ Buck says, yet another six days later, actually meaning the words despite how his body is still crowding Eddie’s, lying underneath him on the couch.

"You’re right,“ Eddie mumbles against Buck’s lips.

"This’ll mess everything up,“ Buck breathes, his hands gripping Eddie’s shirt.

„We should slow down,“ Eddie mutters, kissing along Buck’s neck.

„It’s just a proximity thing,“ Buck whispers, searching for Eddie’s lips.

„We’re confused,“ Eddie agrees, hands palming Buck through his jeans.

———————

"Eddie.“

"Buck.“

"Eddie.“

" _Buck_.“

„Shit. Fuck. _Goddamn it_!“

———————

It’s a little funny, that Eddie’s hands on his dick is the thing that finally get’s through Buck’s haze, clearing their respective heads enough for them to scramble apart.

They end up staring at each other for a few minutes, the couch like a wall between them.

"We,“ Eddie begins, pointing between them. He’s not wearing a shirt anymore, though Buck doesn’t remember taking it off. The look in his eyes is a little crazed.

„You,“ Buck agrees, fingers going to close his fly, ignoring the obvious way Eddie’s eyes zero in on that. He’s glad for the couch between them being too wide to launch himself over it. It’s the only thing keeping his resolve alive.

„Okay,“ Eddie tries again, still out of breath, closing his eyes.

"We,“ Buck continues, taking fortifying breath after breath and yet never feeling calmer, just colder, feeling Eddie’s distance like a missing limp.

„A week,“ Eddie blurts then, finally picking up his shirt to put it back on.

(And it puts him back in touching distance and Buck’s hands keep opening and closing, the feel of Eddie’s skin still all to clear on them.)

"A week,“ Eddie repeats, carefully staring at the ceiling, having taken several steps away from Buck once he had his shirt, „we wait a week. Then we talk again. If we still feel the same, we’ll…“

„A week,“ Buck interrupts quickly, not sure if he’ll make it through the night, if he hears how Eddie was planning on finishing the sentence.

———————

He goes into the guestroom that night, _not sleeping_ , still immeasurable cold without Eddie.

———————

This time they avoid each other at work and seem apparently so miserable by this, neither Hen nor Chimney has it in them to tease them.

———————

After three days Buck return to the master bedroom.

(At this point both of them are too exhausted from not sleeping to actually do anything.)

(Maybe they should have talked about some things over the years, Buck realises.)

———————

They actually make it seven days without dying.

(It’s a close call though.)

———————

„It’s midnight,“ Buck whispers into the darkness.

„Day seven,“ Eddie says, rolling onto his side to look at Buck.

———————

"Damn,“ Eddie says a while later, sitting on a naked Buck’s thighs.

"That escalated quickly,“ Buck agrees, hands searching blindly for the lube and condoms he knows Eddie hides in the nightstand.

"We wanted to talk,“ Eddie reminds them both, laser focus never straying from Buck’s dick.

"We really should,“ Buck suggests, making a pleased noice when his hands finally connect with the bottle.

"Fuck,“ Eddie exclaims at that, his eyes closing.

"… me?“ Buck wants to know, throwing the bottle at Eddie.

(He catches it without looking.)

(They can talk after, they both decide silently.)

(A lot later as it turns out.)

(A week (or probably something closer to two years, if Buck was being honest with himself) had been a lot of time to imagine things after all, and neither off them is good at backing down and giving in.)

(Plus, fair is fair, they should both get to have their fun with each other.)

———————

"I’m in love with you,“ Eddie says, leaning against the kitchen counter, watching as Buck makes scrambled eggs.

"Okay,“ Buck says.

Then „Good.“

Then „We can work with that.“

Then (finally) „I love you, too.“

———————

Surprisingly it doesn’t change a lot.

Buck feels like it should. Eddie feels like it shouldn’t.

"We’re already married, Evan,“ he explains.

"We spent all of our time together already,“ he reminds him.

"What exactly did you think would change?“ He wants to know.

"You’ve talked to Frank about this, haven’t you?“ Buck snorts.

———————

So it doesn’t change anything. Whatever. He can accept that.

They’re still EddieandBuck at work and Eddie and Buckeroo with their friends and Bucky and Daddy at home, it’s just that now they are also „Evan!“ and „Oh my god!“ and „Harder!“ in the bedroom.

And honestly how is Buck supposed to think that is a bad thing?

———————

They decide not to tell anyone for now, though.

"Hen will be so smug,“ Eddie explains.

"Maddie has been calling you my ‚boy crush‘ for over two years,“ Buck reveals.

"Bobby,“ they both say in unison, no more words needed.

———————

They tell Christopher after another week though, because, well, he lives with them and he’s their son and he should know, even if he doesn’t really understand what has changed.

"You’re already married,“ Christopher reminds them.

"So does that mean you are like _that_?“ He wants to know, confused by the conversation in the way only a child who has no concept of sex yet can be.

(Buck hopes he never grows up and knows Eddie is right there with him.)

They also both agree that Carla knows, because she’s seen Buck come out of the master bedroom („Buck, can you just call it our bedroom, please?“) without a shirt on one too many times and one of them might be a bit possessive.

She doesn’t comment, though.

She does _however_ stop asking about a certain english teacher.

(And maybe Buck is a little jealous and possessive as well and maybe he finally realises, months too late, why the teacher had rubbed him the wrong way ever since Eddie had told him about her.)

———————

Their coworkers should be able to figure it out, though, from the way Eddie glares at everyone who smiles at Buck too brightly and that time Buck gleefully plucked a piece of scrap paper with a phone number someone had shoved at Eddie out of his hands.

(„Oh, I’m sorry, so you don’t give Officer Katie the stink eye every time we see her?“ Eddie wants to know when Buck points this out to him.

"It’s been more than two years, she finally needs to take a hint that you’re not interested.“ Buck defends himself.  
„And I’ve never liked her, even before us,“ Buck clarifies.)

———————

Buck thinks Abuela knows as well.

She has at least stopped glaring at Buck from across the table.

———————

The next hiccup comes about three months after everything got (sort of) sorted in the form of Mr. and Mrs Diaz coming to town for Christopher’s birthday.

"You could just tell them we are actually together,“ Buck reminds his very nervous husband for the fifth time the night before the party.

They had gone to dinner that day and while Mr. Diaz had refused to talk to his son at all because of an argument they had months before on the phone, when Eddie first told his parents about marrying his best friend and have him adopt his son so he’d be taken care of in case of emergency, Mrs. Diaz made overly polite conversation with Evan.

"Oh, they’d love that!“ Eddie snorts, „Me, jumping into another marriage and risking Christopher’s well being. Yeah, that’ll go over great!“

So Buck backs off.

(And he’s not mad or hurt at all, nope.)

(It’s beginning to feel a little like they’re hiding, though.)

———————

It all comes to a head the next day, of course.

(All the Diaz’s have a short fuse after all.)

Buck is playing gracious host, but keeping his distance a little from Eddie, who keeps fluttering around the party, restless but with an iron grip on his emotions, meanwhile Mr. Diaz is still not talking to anyone but his wife while Mrs. Diaz has now taken Maddie hostage with her smalltalk.

(At least Abuela is suddenly all loving toward Buck.)

The whole situation makes Buck heart hurt and he can feel a headache coming so he tries to avoid the 118 and specifically Athena’s inquisitive eyes.

(She might know as well. It’s Athena after all.)

(Even if Buck is beginning to wonder if there really is anything to know.)

(Sometimes he wishes it _had_ changed something.)

Anyways, he is really trying but clearly failing to not show something is wrong. (Because this is Christopher’s big day and he can’t make this about him.)

(He just can’t!)

(Except it’s not actually him who messes up.)

(He shouldn’t feel so smug about that.)

(He’s not really sure how not to.)

———————

It’s in the afternoon, after everyone has had cake and is standing around mingling and the children are playing in the garden, thank god, too engrossed in a game of chase to take notice of the adults.

And Eddie is rushing around the party, still, as if he’s being chased, not looking at Evan who isn’t looking back anyways, thank you very much.

But Buck _is_ looking at Mr. and Mrs. Diaz. Can see them watching their son, can see when they make their decision and gets ready to run interference when he sees them following Eddie into the house.

(Because he doesn’t want them to ruin Christopher’s party either and he’s heard Eddie talking to his parents on the phone often enough to know there is yelling coming.)

But before he can enter the house after them, a hand on his arm halts him.

"Let them,“ Abuela says, „he needs to tell them.“

(And the way her eyes sparkle a little confirms every single one of his suspicions.)

So Buck keeps playing host and tries not to listen to what is going on in the house, which is getting harder by the minute as all three grow progressively angrier and therefore louder.

Though from the looks he keeps finding aimed his way as sentence snippets of „… a stranger …“ and „What where you thinking?“ and „… someone like him…“ filter out of the house, he is the only one pretending not to hear them.

(Buck really wants to hide now.)

But after another minute he too gives up the ghost of not listening and so he has nothing to distract him when Eddie gives the final blow to his parents.

(Honestly he shouldn’t be happy about any of this.)

(Honestly he should at some point stop laughing about this.)

(Honestly he should be embarrassed.)

(Honestly Eddie kind of deserves being laughed at.)

Because the words that don’t just come out as snippets?

It’s Eddie exclaiming „The sex is also great, in case you wanted to know!“

(Abuela doesn’t stop him from going into the house this time, btw.)

———————

Buck walks straight into the kitchen without letting himself think too much

(and if on the inside he pretends he’s wearing his uniform to feel brave, no one will ever know), bypassing all three Diazs’ without a word in favour of closing the window.

"Please, don’t let me interrupt you,“ he says with false cheer, suddenly remembering a nearly identical scene with his parents and Maddie closing the door while he hid behind the couch, „but I just wanted to let you know, Bobby has started up the grill, so we will eat in about half an hour!“

"Continue,“ he says before turning around and leaving, going to hide in the bathroom for five minutes.

(He’s fine.)

(He can do this.)

(No one will stare.)

(Later, after they ate and the children are asleep and the adults are slowly getting drunk on the patio, Eddie will lean against the kitchen counter and say, „I’m sorry.“ and watch Buck storm out of the kitchen after dumping some dishes in the sink and telling him, „Guess you couldn’t hide _it_ forever.“)

(A bit later Carla will look around the party and say, „How was I the only one to know? Did we not see all the hickeys?“ and Buck will laugh and blush and his eyes will meet Eddie’s for the first time since this morning.)

(And a bit after that Eddie will take Buck’s hand in front of everyone and not say a word.)

(And several hours later Buck will pant „If you call our sex life _great_ again, I _will_ divorce you. I’m mindblowing!“ into Eddie’s mouth.)

(Even later Eddie will mouth „I wasn’t trying to hide you from anyone.“ into Buck’s neck.)

(Also: „Everything always goes to shit as soon as anyone finds out.“)

(And: „I was scared if we make it real I would lose you. That I _could_ still lose you.“)

(Most importantly: „I love you.“)

(But Buck doesn’t say how he isn’t Shannon. Buck only kisses him back, putting the promise in every touch of skin because with Eddie words are cheap.)

———————

This is what happens after:

———————

On Monday they walk into work together as always, but this time Eddie forces Buck to hold his hand because „We aren’t on shift until we put on the uniform, Evan.“

And Bobby looks at Buck in surprise when he tells Hen, „I didn’t wanna be fired again for being inappropriate.“ as his reason for not telling them and clarifies „I meant having sex at the station, Buck.“

And Eddie explains to Chimney, „I didn’t wanna make it real and have something more to lose.“ when he asks the same question and smiles at Buck when he comes over to kiss his cheek after that.

And they both say, „Cause everyone acts so smug around here.“ when Athena asks at dinner.

And on Tuesday Buck drops what he is doing, to put his arm around Eddie’s waist when officer Katie comes to talk to him at a call.

(„¡Cálmate, papi!“ Eddie laughs into Buck’s neck later, after Katie leaves.

"Urgh, I didn’t need to know that,“ Hen says to Chimney as they walk by.

"Back to work, everyone!“ Bobby tells all of them, looking over in fatherly contempt.)

And two weeks after that Eddie kisses Buck when he is the last one to make it out of a collapsing house, landing on the grass just as the roof comes down.

And maybe, Eddie finally admits, maybe a few things do change.

———————

"You have sex with that?“ Hen says, several weeks later, when the shock of EddieandBuck actually being husbands has worn of enough that they start making fun of them again (because while there had been a bet about it - no one had ever thought they’d admit their feelings, not even after they decided to get married, Hen explains one night so drunk her words come out as one long sentence), looking at Buck with something between disgust and awe.

The younger firefighter grins at her, through food half falling out of his mouth, before resuming to talk a mile a minute with Jacobson, food spewing everywhere.

Eddie looks up from his book slowly and takes in the scene before him.

„He shuts up the minute you touch his dick. It’s nice. Between him an Christopher, it’s the only peace and quiet I get.“ Eddie tells them.

„Not to encourage inappropriate work behaviour, but I’d cover for you, if you ever felt the need to shut him up at work, too.“ Chimney stage-whispers to him.

———————

"Thanks, man!“ Buck says, a few months later, stealing Eddie’s coffee right out of his hands.

"Should you still call each other ‚man‘ and ‚dude‘? You’ve touched each others dicks, right?“ Chimney muses, watching the interaction.

"I’ve also touched your dick, should I call you ‚honey‘ as well then, Chimney?“ Buck counters.

"You touched his dick?“ Eddie asks, horrified, trying to figure out how that could have come to happen.

"Omg, we never wanted to talk about that again!“ Chimney cries.

"Let’s just say, it wasn’t a STD,“ Buck teases.

"This is why I’m gay,“ Hen declares.

"Yeah, us too,“ Eddie reminds her.

———————

"Hey, Eddie, you ever thought about having another kid?“ Buck asks, nearly two years later, at one in the morning, half delirious with sleep depravation this far into a 24h shift.

"You want another,“ Eddie doesn’t ask, having recognised the look four hours prior when they delivered a baby. And two days ago when they helped a little girl. And three weeks ago with that little boy. And maybe all the looks since he first introduced Buck to Christopher.

"I mean, we could talk about it? Are we even ready for that? Can we handle another kid with our lifestyle?“ Buck flails.

"Sure, but you take time off in the beginning. Babies freak me out,“ Eddie simply states.

"How did you handle Christopher, then?“ Hen interrupts, deciding not to make fun of the shell-shocked look on Buck’s face.

"Went to Afghanistan,“ Eddie shrugs.

———————

This is (not) how it end.

———————

"Hey, Eddie,“ Buck say mid blowjob, pulling off with a pop, „you should meet my parents. Before the babies come.“  
Eddie looks at him with wide eyes and cums, seeing stars.

Buck laughs at him for weeks.

———————

They redo their vows in the spring, the day before Eve and Sean have their baptism and it’s not the happiest day of either of their life’s but then again, it shouldn’t be. It’s definitely top ten material though. (The whole weekend is.)

It’s still a small ceremony, only this time there are friends and family and food and everyone grins when Eddie cries during his speech and laughs when Buck nearly drops the ring, his hands shaking so much and cheers when they kiss.

(Mr. and Mrs. Buckley aren’t there though.)

(Mr. and Mrs. Diaz are though.)

(„So what was the happiest day of your life?“ Eddie will ask, years down the line, watching their grandkids and their friends’ grandkids play in the backyard.

"Remember the day you first touched my dick?“ Buck replies easily.

"I want a divorce,“ Eddie tells him just as easily.

"Fine, every day I get to spent with you is the happiest day of my life!“ Buck amends.

"Nah, you done messed up now, Son,“ Eddie declares, interlacing their fingers.)

———————

It ends many many years later with cancer and pneumonia and slipping away in their sleep.

(Evan dies (not alone) with Eddie holding his hand, in a hospital bed.)

(Eddie dies (alone) two weeks later in his sleep in their bed.)

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on
> 
> [tumblr](https://himbo-buckley.tumblr.com)
> 
> where I talk way to much about parallels and THE CONNECTION  
> (Also feel free to scream at me either here or on tumblr about my punctuation)  
> (and everything else, honestly this is the internet, it's not like I could physically stop you!)


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